mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
they're like a gay fantastic four
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
