I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
