Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I deserve this hangover.
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