i just had sex bonerless
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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