That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Two words: nipple clamps
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