Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize