Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
