I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
