I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
