Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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