me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Houston, we have a blender
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
