I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
