Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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