do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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