PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
