There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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