drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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