Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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