the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
