i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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