mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
