I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
