you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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