I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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