You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you never un-have a 4some
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I deserve this hangover.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
