Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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