you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
