she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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