he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
