Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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