just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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