Only a mothe r could love this liver
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
