i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
