There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
