and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
