About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
