I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Boobs are out for the taking
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
