tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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