Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
