I'm so fucking centered right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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