My nipple is on Facebook.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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