Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
