I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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