eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
