I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
