How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
