you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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