Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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