just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
