I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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