Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He has the fingertips of a God
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
