quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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