I wannas sexs uuuuu
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
