The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize