And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
