The maid of honor just puked.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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