It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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