Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
