i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish I only lived at night.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
