We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
