awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
