we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
