Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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