my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
