she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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