At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
