Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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